A conversation with Google
Thanks for your sharing Susie!
CALLER:
Is this
Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry. ☎️
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you
ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms
and meatballs on a thick crust. 🍕
CALLER:
OK! That's what I want ...
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust? 🥗
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetables! 🥦
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical
records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7
years. 🩸
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take
medication for my cholesterol. 🩺
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir,
but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our
database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug
RX Network, 4 months ago. 💊
CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE:
That doesn't show on your credit card statement. 💳
CALLER:
I paid in cash. 💵
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank
statement. 💰
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash. 💎
GOOGLE:
That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an
undeclared income source, which is against the law. 😳
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL! 🤨
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole
intention of helping you. 😡
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter,
WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet,
cable TV -- where there's no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy
on me. 🤬
GOOGLE:
I understand
sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...🤯
